It took nearly half a century for Birch Parlee to be herself.
Christened at birth in 1965 as Bernard Thomas, the first-born son of an evangelical minister, she spoke candidly with the Spotlight about her path.
鈥淚n about Grade 3 or 4, about the time I really became aware that boys and girls were different, I wanted to be a girl. I started to imitate girls and it didn鈥檛 take me long to find out that wasn鈥檛 cool鈥 lot of bullying and teasing followed me throughout my school years,鈥� she said.
鈥淭here was a sense of misalignment that I didn鈥檛 have any language to understand. I saw it as something fundamentally wrong with me.鈥�
Pressured to conform to family expectations and social norms, she was a church worship leader for 15 years.
鈥淚 buried it. I pushed it down. I lived a lie.鈥�
She grew a full beard and went so far as to pursue 鈥渕anly鈥� occupations, was a commercial fisher for 15 years, and later a farmworker and truck driver.
Two marriages ended in divorce 鈥渁nd a lot of heartache鈥hey both needed a man and I cannot be one. I think that would be the way to boil it down.鈥�
Birch is one of approximately 132,000 transgender people living across our nation, according to Statistics Canada.
While encouraging curiosity, she waves off the need for politically correct language.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 get my panties in a bunch about that.鈥�
Birch began coming out publicly about three years ago, shortly after moving to the community with her partner Saskia.
鈥淎 quite elderly woman in this town, who was attending a function at the library, walked up to me afterwards and said 鈥榟ello.鈥� She asked me if I considered myself a woman or a man in a dress. For me, that wasn鈥檛 offensive. It was an opportunity for me to tell a bit of my story.鈥�
It was Saskia who created a space where Birch could be honest.
鈥淪askia was someone who loved me in a way that I felt safe and I could be honest with her. Once I was honest with her, out of those conversations, I finally was able to admit it to myself. I no longer felt there was something wrong with me. I am just different.鈥�
The relationship was already mostly devoid of gender roles and stereotypes. 鈥淭he only thing that was different was that I was able to let go of pretending in any way of being a man, or trying.鈥�
Recently Birch changed her name and her legal gender and the two were married in August 2020.
鈥淚 am legally a woman and we are legally a lesbian couple, but she doesn鈥檛 really like labels.鈥�
Birch receives a hormone therapy of estrogen and progesterone and noted many transgender people regard questions about surgery 鈥渁s nobody else鈥檚 business.鈥�
She said: 鈥淚n the initial phase, I couldn鈥檛 even comprehend it and I was perhaps in judgment of people who did it. In the beginning, I believed that it is what鈥檚 inside that matters. The problem is outside is perpetually undermining your sense of inside and I think trans people do become a little bit obsessed with their appearance. It is an attempt to bring your inside and your outside into alignment.鈥�
Birch described the acceptance of the Princeton community 鈥渁s almost unbelievably positive in many, many ways.鈥� Still, she added, 鈥渢here are certain places I don鈥檛 go, where I don鈥檛 feel quite safe.鈥�
And she remarked with consternation on a recent Spotlight story about an altercation at a local bar allegedly incited by slurs against a transgender patron.
For the most part, Birch鈥檚 family, including two children, step-children and siblings, are supportive.
鈥淢y father tries,鈥� she said, 鈥渂ut it鈥檚 hard.鈥�
When asked what advice she would give her younger self, she does not hesitate.
鈥淒on鈥檛 be afraid. Don鈥檛 hide. Find a way to be yourself. It鈥檚 a journey鈥eople assume that I made a choice to be trans and people really need to understand it isn鈥檛 something you choose. It鈥檚 something you are and the choice is whether or not you accept it.鈥�
Do you have something to add to this story, or something else we should report on? Email:andrea.demeer@similkameenspotlight.com
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