Amanda Luttman鈥檚 message is kindness.

Luttman knows too well what it鈥檚 like to live on the streets of Salmon Arm, to be part of a small network of people who support each other as best they can.

Luttman was born and raised in Salmon Arm. Her addiction to drugs started with smoking pot. In her early 20s, she starting dabbling in MDMA or ecstasy. Although she sometimes drank alcohol, she didn鈥檛 drink much, and now, never.

鈥淚 still won鈥檛 have a drink because I can鈥檛 risk it,鈥� she said.

She progressed to cocaine and other drugs. The first time she used methamphetamine was when she was 28 or 29.

鈥淲hen I used fentanyl, I was hooked instantly. It was mental (addiction) at first. I didn鈥檛 need it right away. But I liked it too much, it just turned everything off, it just blanked my mind. I didn鈥檛 care about anything. All the guilt and shame in my life was gone.鈥�

In reality, all it did was put a Band-Aid on her pain, she realized.

鈥淚 was playing Russian roulette with my life.鈥�

She said a lot of people have used much longer, but she wanted to be a mother to her son again. He鈥檚 now nine.

Luttman went through treatment in the Lower Mainland, is now living in housing with women who had similar experiences and is doing well.

鈥淚鈥檓 working again. I didn鈥檛 ever think I鈥檇 be on the streets. I used to have a home with my son. It just progressed鈥︹��

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She believes options for help are available, if people could be aware of their mental health.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 a really huge thing. A lot of people use because it鈥檚 self medicating, right?

鈥淚 have ADD and ADHD. I found that using meth, I was able to focus and do all the things I didn鈥檛 have the energy to do鈥� I felt I was like Wonder Woman when I was on it鈥� I could go to work and have all this energy, get my job done; I thought it helped with burnout.鈥�

As Luttman鈥檚 addictions began to pick up, she left her son with her mom.

鈥淚 felt guilty and I didn鈥檛 want to traumatize him, find his mom dead or something like that.鈥�

This was before the Salvation Army鈥檚 move to McGuire Lake during Covid, and she鈥檇 often stay in the Lighthouse Shelter in the winter. People would line up in the cold and when the doors would open, they鈥檇 be given a meal and could have a shower or do laundry. By 8 in the morning, they were back out in the cold.

鈥淲inters were brutal,鈥� she said.

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Sometimes she would have blankets hidden in the fairgrounds and might huddle up there. Once she almost died from having propane in her tent with no ventilation.

Most of the restaurants got tired of unhoused people coming in, although one was pretty good, she said.

Luttman said she was kicked out of the shelter a few times for using drugs, or her roommate using, or for being late.

鈥淭hey have a system 鈥� you get kicked out for a day, a week, a month, and then indefinitely.鈥�

She said she still has a bit of resentment when a woman who had been drinking put alcohol in the shelter washroom. Then all the women were kicked out indefinitely and the woman didn鈥檛 鈥榝ess up.鈥�

Luttman received kindness from strangers, such as a person who was doing janitorial duties and let her warm up several times in their supply room.

Vinny Larson, who died in 2020 when his makeshift home caught fire, was a good friend and would allow her to stay at his camp near Buckerfield鈥檚.

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Luttman squatted near the Canoe Beach dog park in the summer for a while but was on methadone, wasn鈥檛 eating, was breathing wildfire smoke and started getting very sick.

A business owner offered to pay her bus fare from Canoe so she could work for him. That tided her over for a while.

She ended up having to leave all her belongings in Canoe, and at other times, in other places.

Some support was available on the streets in Salmon Arm, she said. Outreach workers would check on them, they knew where all the camps were, and would give them snacks and toques in winter.

She said she feels badly about what she put her mother through, who would sometimes try to find her.

Luttman attempted to get clean more than once but relapsed and ended up back on the street. She said getting off drugs was impossible when she was living rough because life was too hard.

She urges kindness for fellow human beings who are struggling.

鈥淪ure you chose to pick up that first drug or first drink. But with addiction, it鈥檚 no longer a choice. You do it against your own will. It鈥檚 basically what addiction is.

鈥淚 feel if people understood that, they would be more compassionate. I wish that there was more shelter out there for people and more options for people to get out of the situation and not have to leave town.鈥�

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She doesn鈥檛 think anyone realizes just how bad the housing situation is in Salmon Arm.

鈥淏igger cities have more support for the homeless and more awareness. You don鈥檛 even have to be using drugs or alcohol. The landlord could be selling your place. Anybody could be out there. It鈥檚 hard. People look at you differently. They all know. It didn鈥檛 matter how nice I was dressed or did my hair, it felt like everyone knew.鈥�

She was lucky as she had her mom for support, she said. There are people who have no family except the people on the street.

鈥淚t鈥檚 super hard to leave them. I feel alone out here. I鈥檓 not, I have girls in recovery.

鈥淚t鈥檚 hard to think about them, who鈥檚 going to survive, who鈥檚 going to die, who鈥檚 going to make it out. I know people鈥檚 personal stories and not one of them deserve this. I just believe that being kind will make a difference in someone鈥檚 life.鈥�

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